Lockdown in Czechia - Day Twelve - Friday March 27th 2020

Report by Trentin Quarantino

By the time I'm heading home from work I'm exhausted, completely done in. These last couple of weeks of doing hardly anything have really taken it out of me. I need stimulation, something other than the walls of the flat or heading to and from (not my) home office. On the way home I have a mild panic attack, which pisses me off as I haven't had one of those for a while now and was starting to think I was done with the bastards.

Normally I eat when I get home, but today I'm too tired and just go straight to bed, and I'm asleep pretty much straight away.

I wake up at around 2pm and chat to Harley for a short while, then head to the store to get something for dinner. As I overslept and don't have time to cook I just buy a cooked chicken and head home, and when I get there Harley is looking more than a little odd.

It seems her new medication is basically speed so now she's tripping, and I get a little worried about her. She seems super calm, which is good, but tells me she can't see my face properly, which is less good. I get her a few glasses of water and we share the chicken, and I hope that this will be enough to stabilise her as by now it's time to head to work already.

Where nothing much happens for the rest of the night, just a couple of calls and then I have the rest of the night to sit there getting bored stupid looking at a computer screen. I have things I should do, but don't actually feel like doing any of them - this lethargy is going to be a problem if it carries on much longer I think.

The only thing really of note at work is that I get a spectacular nose bleed - again something I haven't had for a while. I think I'm probably going to go see my doctor once the lockdown is over and get myself checked out just in case.

I don't think there's anything really wrong - I'm just going stir crazy, and when I see a report towards the end of the night that the current state of emergency might be extended for another thirty days I get really pissed off for a while as not only does it mean my birthday is going to be screwed - I can't even take Harley out for lunch for fucks sake, now my rafting trip in July is almost certainly going to have to be cancelled too.

I'm really ready for this fucking crisis to be over already now.

Additional reporting by Harley Quarantinova

Dear Trentin, take your stupid paradoxic insomnia and stuff it where the sun never shines! I fell asleep around 5am just to dream about being tired and kept from going to bed, and when I opened my eyes at 9am I knew that's all I was going to get today sleepwise. Nobody told me sleeping disorders can be sexually transmitted, that just isn't fair!

I went and sat in the kitchen so I wouldn't disturb the head of the household, chatting with my Moravian friends about how the life's currently going and the differences and similarities between here and there. One of them has extensive knowledge and personal experience with various psychiatric medication and pointed out to me that my current sleeping problems might get even worse before my body adjusts to the new chemical substance it's now being introduced to. I also learn the pills are basically amphetamine derivates. Okay...

What really is spooky is the weird state I get into all of a sudden few hours after taking this mornings dose of the pills. My heart is racing, body is shaking, I'm hyperventilating, and my vision gets out of focus, I'm basically experiencing all the physical symptoms of a panic attack without actually feeling panicky.

I decide drinking lots of water and eating a bit can only be a good idea, so I do that. I'm still shaking but my mind is calm and cool with the whole side-effect situation. I realise how much my coordination is impacted when I almost fall off a chair while stuffing my face, as my brain obviously cannot handle keeping my body straight up and operating my chewing muscles at the same time. But I don't care much. I'm high and it seems funny to me how hard I have to try practising not bumping into stuff. I promise Trentin not to do much after he leaves for work though.

I wonder what these pills are actually good for. They are supposed to assist one with quitting smoking - they definitely have a fair chance of discouraging me:

1) It takes me over 5 minutes to roll a cigarette.

2) Putting clothes on is really tricky and demands serious concentration.

3) Locating keys, locking door, making it safely down the stairs, unlocking door to enter the backyard are all a bit too complicated.

4) As a reward for making it this far I can try not to set fire to my face when lighting the cigarette.

Thanks to taking some advice my experienced friend gave me I'm almost back to nomal at 7pm, totally exhausted from doing nothing but learning to cope with new medication. The thing that pisses me off the most is it changes my perception of time. It seems to me that much more time passes than it actually does. I hate it when this happens to me, whatever the reason for it. When I cannot trust my perception of time it makes it harder for me to keep oriented. It's funny how we can fuck with ours and other people's brains and pretend it isn't alarming...

At least I managed to eat way earlier than usual 3am, that's a good sign. And I might actually be able to go to sleep at a reasonable time and achieve some good rest. I am planning on listening to some spiritual talk by a person with a voice of a snake charmer to help me with that.