Report by Trentin Quarantino
I spend the morning in deep conversation with Harley. We both feel that there need to be some big changes if we want to be truly happy going forwards - not so much because there are issues between the two of us, we're closer than ever. But there are things in our lives that are not good, and we need to take control and change the things that aren't working, preferably sooner rather than later.
Harley spends some time on the phone with a work colleague, and I potter about doing not very much. I have to work tonight so am not in the mood for much today. I have a proper senior moment when Harley points out that my underpants are inside out - in fairness this is something I noticed several hours ago, but evidently I instantly got distracted by something shiny and forgot.
I cook an early dinner and then head to work. It feels so strange to be travelling so far to work, and it's been several years since I had to go so far. And I guess the weirdest thing is that I'm going all this way to work from the (not my) home office, a thing I really hope I don't have to do for long.
Once I get to work I do my best to stay quiet when on calls as my colleague who is working from the same flat tells me that today is his day off, so I don't want to disturb him. Fortunately work is quiet though, so I get to work on my event for next year for a few hours.
I also chat to Harley online for a while - she's worried about the psychiatrist appointment tomorrow, which I understand, so do my best to keep her as calm as possible. All in all though this is a really, really boring day, and I'm happy when I can finally go home to hopefully sleep.
Additional late reporting by Harley Quarantinova
It's not that there was nothing to write about this day. Actually it was the other way around. But for different reasons I didn't want to spill the beans. Because it's a huge thing for me. And my paranoia was telling me the Universe might go and laugh in my face once I make my desires public.
I'll stop being cryptic - my big revelation the other day was that I have enough of Prague. I always suffered here and just did my best to get over that. And I'm ready to give up. Got the most I could from this experience and I'm ready to break up with this city. It's gorgeous, it's lively, full of interesting people and possibilities. It's a city that never sleeps. It's the exact opposite of the bumhole I come from. But it's not right for me and it's destroying me just trying to keep up with its pace of life.
It took me years to figure this out. But after the long conversation with my witchy friend I just had no other choice than listen to the part of me I was doing my best to silence for so long. And it had some very interesting things to say. Like: How about not trying to play a fucking hero anymore? How about getting sick of feeling homesick? How about coming back to the roots?
For all these years I was feeling like a stranger in my own country here. The thing is this is not my country. Yes, I speak Czech, I am Czech, but I'm not Bohemian, I'm a bloody proud Moravian and I miss my culture, my people, my land. It's time to go back.
I needed to give this whole Prague dream a chance and learn what life here feels like. I'm grateful for that. The biggest philosopher of my life worded it perfectly. Coming back is not the same as never leaving. Sir Pratchett gave me so much good advice so far, and I bet he's right with this one as well.
So came the time to announce this decision to the matriarch of my family, which I was nervous of. I'm not planning on relocating us to my hometown, I chose a nearby city that's already occupied by my oldest sister. But both me and mom are pretty certain the place is big enough for both of us.
Mom makes sure I'm aware of all the practicalities of moving and that this is something I genuinely want and need, so she's happy for us. Trentin is happy with the idea as well. I'm not in any rush, first this whole pandemic thing needs to calm down, and that gives us time to think it all through and make all the necessary arrangements.
Also, once I've figured out this is what I want, the screaming hurting part of me feels better as well and stops kicking. So that's that.
Dear Moravia, get ready. I'm coming home.
No comments:
Post a Comment