Blog suspended until further notice due to a complete lack of motivation to write about the same things happening day after day after day after day after day into infinity and beyond...

The reason this blog exists...

With the ever growing Covid-19 crisis and resultant restrictions throughout the Czech Republic, we feel it is imperative that some of the common people have a voice and can tell you the truth about life under lockdown.

We will do our utmost to post daily updates for the duration of the crisis, but obviously we have such a busy schedule with seeing what everyone else is up to on social media we might forget. Or we might just get bored.

Now, you might wonder who we are, and why we feel we're qualified to give information about this subject.

As for who we are first:

Trentin Quarantino is a political refugee from the UK who has been living happily in the Czech Republic for well over a decade now. His interests include beer, of course, nature, and avoiding stupid people.

Harley Quarantinova is a Czech nature lover who is always overjoyed when Spring arrives at last, and is even happier this year as she can have a valid excuse to avoid people when she is out enjoying it. Currently on the hunt for her most recently lost marbles.

As for why we're qualified - we're living this shit. What else do we need?

Lockdown in Czechia - Day One - Monday March 16th 2020

Report by Trentin Quarantino

Awoke from peaceful slumber at around 10am to the unwelcome but not exactly unexpected news that the country is now under total lockdown, with the whole nation officially quarantined until March 24th.

My British genes try to force me to run to the store and go panic buying everything that I can find, but then I remember that I'm not actually a selfish fuckwit, and a quick glance in the fridge is enough to remind me that there is plenty of food for the next few days, especially after cooking dinner last night and then not bothering to eat it.

I then spend several hours online checking to see what the actual restrictions are, because as always these days there is a lot of misinformation out there, so it's important to get the proper facts before taking action.

Quickly discover that the government is basically banning people from leaving home unless they have to - going to work is fine, or the supermarket, so that's the basics. It's also okay to walk your dog - even if you have the virus - take food or other important supplies to family members who cannot go and get them themselves, and that it's actually okay to go for a walk, as a nation of people in 24/7 confinement is sure to have a serious impact on mental health.

Supermarkets, pharmacies, pet stores, and gas stations are open - pretty much everything else is closed. Including the pubs, which is going to cause some issues in THIS country, although restaurants can prepare food and send it out for delivery.

So it's going to be a boring 9 days or so then!

By the time all of the relevant information has been processed and discussed it's lunchtime, and due to completely different restrictions already placed on Harley we're not going to be able to go for a refreshing walk today. So instead she goes for a cigarette while I cook lunch.

The afternoon is mostly spent alternating between total boredom - because all the things we always bitch about not having time to do normally have completely slipped our minds, and anger and frustration at the stupid people who seem determined to ignore the restrictions as much as possible - seeing people posting tips on which bars they can get beer from and discuss having 'quarantine parties' makes it clear that some people are just not taking this seriously enough.

By mid-afternoon the news filters through that from tomorrow people will have to wear face masks on public transport, so Harley gets her sewing machine and box of materials out and makes His and Hers matching plague masks. We know they wont really protect us from much, but at least they look amazing.

Eventually it occurs to us to eat yesterday's dinner, so we do that and decide to have an early night. Only to lie in bed discussing how annoying it is that we didn't get to enrol in the Krav Maga class we were planning on taking. This gives Harley the idea to make a couple of clubs by cutting the sleeves off an old sweatshirt and stuffing them with tshirts, and before long we're beating each other over the head with them in the name of exercise.

Fun, completely consensual and not in any way domestic violence-y times were had!

Harley then decides to get her guitar out and play a few songs, and by this time I've had enough fun for one day and retire to bed after checking online one more time and seeing people claiming that there is no such thing as Corona Virus, and if there is it's really just some sort of conspiracy to force people to acccept climate change vaccines.

Additional reporting by Harley Quarantinova

Seventh day after my meltdown. Mind still running wild. Need to do something with my hands. Luckily got a tip from a friend to make DIY face masks to wear outside. Looks like it's going to be mandatory soon enough.

Making face masks looks successful. At least now I'll have a perfectly valid reason for dressing like a lunatic in public. Everybody is. I think I'm going to feel much more normal now that everyone else is a bit nuts and paranoid.

Trentin looks a bit creepy in his mask. He manages to look cunning no matter what he puts on...

I feel accomplished now but not any more relaxed than before. Just less guilty for not taking the crisis seriously. I am now. And I'm going to show the whole world what a responsible adult I am. Here you go - Facebook masked couple selfie. Now validate my trying to fit in, everybody!

Okay, got rid of the stupid pandemic anxiety but now I'm getting annoyed with being shut in a tiny apartment with a huge guy, and getting slightly bored. And frustrated that we didn't get a chance to go for a walk in the empty city centre before this damn lockdown.

Usually I'm perfectly fine lying in bed doing nothing for days, but now every single minute of doing fuck all is eating away the last bits of my sanity. I'm feeling violent. And my man is bugging me about doing something together. Bastard. My inspiration is very low, I want to smack him for wanting me to think constructively... Wait... I want to smack him..

Okay honey, here you go. I cut off the sleeves off a sweatshirt, sewed up the wider ends of each one. Now be a helpful man and give up some of those old t-shirts you no longer wear. I'll contribute another old sweater. Okay, now let's stuff the sleeves with them and sew up the other ends.

Now try to hit me with it. Fun, isn't it?

We had to rearrange the furniture a bit for our first big black dick fight, but it was very uplifting to smack each other with them. I'm better in it though - either he doesn't know how to duck and cover or he's deliberately letting me win.

If our plan to get up early tomorrow and fuck off to the nature doesn't fail we're bringing these with us so we don't have to be careful about not trashing the apartment.

At night some more crying, anxiety, feeling like a bloody loser, but nothing special. Discovered video calls exist.

Lockdown in Czechia - Day Two - Tuesday March 17th 2020

Report by Trentin Quarantino

Due to a curfew imposed on Harley we get up early - well, earlier than we'd really like anyway - to go for a walk in the forest. We have a three hour window and walk out the front door at exactly 10.01am and walk to the metro station, where we have to wear our masks for the first time. It's noticeable that most people are also behaving responsibly, with the exception being the elderly people who are most at risk from the virus.

Well, I guess they survived Communism so  a stupid virus is no problem.

We only went two stops on the metro - one of the advantages of living in Prague is that you are never too far away from a park, and promptly removed our masks once we were out in the forest. This is a place we've been to many times before, and it's weird to see it so quiet. Not that we're complaining - we're just happy to be outside.

Harley in particular is clearly overjoyed, taking time to take photos of anything and everything that she can see is starting to bloom, and saying hello to plants and any animals we happen to see during our walk. I can see her mental health improving with every step, and this alone is enough reason to leave the house for a few hours.

We take the clubs we made yesterday with us and have a fight in the middle of the forest, which seems to cause some consternation for the few joggers that pass us. But this is cathartic, and healthy - we aren't trying to hurt each other, and it would probably take about 500 direct shots to the head to induce even the mildest of concussions - but being stuck inside means we have so much pent up energy and this is a simple way to get it out of our system.

We get home a minute or two after Harley's curfew ends, so we're safe from the sick leave inspection for another day, and then I go straight out to the store while I still have my mask on - there is no official need to wear the mask to the store yet, but it doesn't take a rocket scientist to work out it's coming.

When I get to the store I'm semi-disappointed to see that there is still no panic buying frenzy going on - it seems people here are civilised and realise there is no need to buy six months of everything just in case the zombies attack or something. I guess this means the Czech Republic is officially now more advanced than places like the UK, where the government are saying business as usual and the people are saying shop for apocalypse.

When I get home from the store I cook a quick lunch, and then settle down to the main business of the day, which is cooking dinner. We have a duck sitting in our fridge, and it's about time he was introduced to the oven. Once the duck is prepared and in the oven working on his suntan, Harley and I retire to bed for a nap, because why not? Then we have a better idea.

And so it comes to pass that on a Tuesday afternoon during quarantine we decide to start a his and hers blog to keep daily track of life under lockdown, partly because we think there might be people out there who want to read it, but mostly because it will give us a rare chance to see how differently we might be viewing the same events from the same room.

And also just in case society ends next month in a blaze of mass hysteria, and some future generation needs a record of what went wrong so they can totally fail to learn from it.

With the blog up online and attracting practically no attention whatsover, we settle down to eat the duck. Which is cooked perfectly, despite it being me who did the cooking. We spend the rest of the evening in a food coma, before retiring to bed for the night with the Dropkick Murphy's who are playing a live show to no people and broadcasting it online for St Patricks Day.

Additional reporting by Harley Quarantinova

We were able to get up in time to leave the house right after my 3 hours of freedom a day began. Am anxious about going outside but the government website clearly states it's allowed to go for walks to parks and nature.

It surprises me how many people are wearing the face masks and how calm and disciplinned everybody is. Since today it's mandatory to wear masks on public transport, they even installed hand sanitizer dispensers in every metro station.

Two stops from ours is the forest we were aiming for. There weren't many people there, almost nobody wore masks but very happily obeyed the official 2-metre social distancing advice. It's never been this easy to be an introvert before. We're not antisocial, we're responsible and considerate!

And, of course, I saw the first wild flowers this year and jumped up and down and pointed at every woodpecker and bumblebee and greeted blossoms and leaves and gave Trentin random lectures of how to distinguish blackberry and blueberry buds. Scanning my surroundings for plants and animals to get excited about is my favourite passtime.

It was considerably hard to find a godforsaken empty space to have another fat black soft cock fight on, so we ended up smacking each other in the middle of a path and probably confused a few runners and dog owners. Trentin got much better since yesterday, he looked like he's trying to exorcise all the nasty bugs out of my ass, back, legs and head.

When we got sufficiently exhausted and started feeling appropriately ridiculous it was time to head home so I wouldn't break my curfew. We passed a playground with kids jammed inside a little play shelter. Undoubtedly they were playing quarantine.

First thing after coming home we cook some lunch on 3 burners and boil the masks on the remaining one.

My friend called me to tell me she also lost her mind at work and will be on sick leave for the rest of the month.

I also managed to make my first ever video call! Another friend who's on sick leave is fighting the crisis and pain with all kinds of nice drugs. Unfortunately those wouldn't work for me. Talking to people, keeping my hands and mind busy and staying away from the internet is my recipe. And I'm failing terribly on the avoiding internet part. Or keeping my mind off the work stuff. Must try harder in future.

But we're cooking duck for dinner, that always makes my day better. Duck is the perfect antidepressant/antianxiety medication.

Trentin's duck was absolutely perfect. After a long time I'm so happy to eat! I'm praising the bird with every bite I take.

Of course, in the meantime we very accidentally blew our Facebook friends' minds with officially announcing we share a household. Since August 2018. No real news, guys. And the reaction is the same as if we just got bloody married. Real reason is that Facebook hates me and doesn't want to show me what Trentin posts so I have to fucking stalk him to find out what he reads, shares, posts, thinks, likes... Bloody hell, nobody has enough time and attention for that these days!

Please, social networks, stop filling my feed with what my rich successful amazing highschool classmates do and help me out in keeping track of the man I actually want to know inside and out!

So I discussed this with Trentin and we came out with the same conclusion - let's officially declare our partnership on the bloody social media. Not that it helped - I still need to stalk him. I think I will cheat as usual and just open my mouth and talk to him.

We decided to end our day with a punk concert. It's St. Patrick's Day and this Irish band from Boston is live streaming their show for all the people who cannot leave their homes to come and watch them. So they perform on a usual stage without any actual audience. It's admirable but also very bizarre to watch.

Trentin falls asleep soon, as he always does in front of the screen. I'm doing my best to enjoy the music without being able to recognise the words. Second portion of the duck should help with that. Unfortunately Trentin let his enthusiasm lead his hand with the caraway and this night promises to be an exceptionally windy one.

   

Lockdown in Czechia - Day Three - Wednesday March 18th 2020

Report by Trentin Quarantino

Breaking news today is that masks have to be worn in stores and anywhere else someone might be working, not just on public transport. We're both too tired to really be bothered going out when we wake up though - no forest trip today - especially after Harley had more crap dreams about work last night.

I'm not sure I'll ever forgive myself for suggesting she take a job where I work - I've been there for so long that I barely register the bullshit and crap management these days, but for her as a new hire it was a different story. And now they've broken her with their fuckwit-ery.

Bastards.

After a while I decide to head out alone to go and get some much needed supplies - with the most important thing being WD-40 to fix a squeaky bedroom door - more on that later. On venturing outside I can see that the huge majority of people are now wearing masks at all times, even in cars, but I keep mine off until I get to the store.

I get most of the things I need, then take a bus to another place to pick up food for our hedgehog and some Bun Cha for lunch. By the time I get home my ears are hurting from the mask straps - first world problems I guess.

By lunchtime it's been announced that from tomorrow masks must be worn at all times when outside your home, which I guess technically means even in the forests. Well that's not going to happen - my ears would probably drop off after a few hours. We'll work out some way of covering mouth and nose quickly when we get close to other people and that should do - it's not like we can be fined from a distance anyway!

It's also announced that from tomorrow all stores will be exclusively for old people between 10am and 12 noon - I guess this is so they can continue to walk around mask-less. Unlike the rest of us trying to protect them.

I spend the afternoon reading The Stand by Stephen King, because reading about a fictional global pandemic in the middle of an actual global pandemic is just how I roll, while Harley spends the afternoon making a pair of shoes for one of her friends from her magic box of materials. I swear there's nothing that girl cannot make, she's so unlike me. The only thing I make today is a nuisance of myself when I try to fix the squeaky door and accidentally spray WD-40 on the wall instead.

I'm an idiot.

I consider cooking, but as Harley is happy with eating the Bun Cha I got for lunch for dinner - I really wish she'd eat more often, but stress from work bullshit has messed up her appetite, I settle for finishing off the duck from yesterday. Which makes me wish I had another duck lying around. I guess I can get another once I make some space in the fridge for it by cooking tomorrow - the advantage of living in a country where panic buying isn't a thing is a complete lack of stress about whether I can get the food I want tomorrow.

By the time we've eaten it's getting late, so after posting the day's update here we settle down to watch one of my favourite chill-out Youtube channels, which is basically three guys in Australia taking advantage of having the keys to a gravity test center by throwing all manner of things off a massive tower to see what happens - it's much funnier than the summary probably suggests in fairness.

And then, sleep. And hopefully nature tomorrow, where we'll try not to be fined for not wearing masks around trees...

Additional reporting by Harley Quarantinova

Woke up vigilant and ready to defend myself. Still expecting the manager from my dream to jump out of somewhere and continue trying to punish me because I failed to commit suicide. My dreams are fucked up.

So are the people outside making that weird noise. It really pissed me off to see that even in this time of crisis it's deemed necessary to have people blow dry leaves off the few patches of grass in front of the house. Makes me angry, not just because it's loud but also because it's stupid. Nature has a way of making use of dead leaves, they decompose and help the soil retain moisture. I'm sure that in few weeks we'll be complaining about another season of extreme drought and lack of underground water.

Tried to calm myself down with a soothing bath but felt too restless and idle after few minutes. And stupid for wasting the water in vain. Need to think of some more silly things to do to occupy my mind and distract myself from all the world's problems.

Spent few hours on a call with my fellow mentally indisposed friend ranting about the world going sideways down lately and made an agreement. Let's work on helping each other out as much as possible, even when we're separated by 100+ kilometres of hostile infested ground. She misses wearing the shoes I used to make for her and myself, I miss her raw nut candy. So I reckon there will be two very precious packages travelling in opposite directions pretty soon.

I managed to find the leather she picked and the cutting pattern we designed together few years ago while still on phone with her so she got to be there when her new shoes were getting born.

It took me several hours to finish them, and I did so with a warm feeling of satisfaction and closeness despite the great distance between us and the long time we haven't had a chance to meet each other.

Trentin is sweet. He found some music I'd never heard before to play in the background of my creative concentration. It suited my mood, thoughts and feelings so perfectly that it was unbelievably nice to lose track of time and just let things happen. Sewing always makes me feel calm and focused. I'm sure I'll come up with plenty more stuff to make in the following days.

It's heartwarming to sit in the same room with my loved one and each do our own stuff. Seeing him sitting on the couch scribbling in his notebook made everything absolutely right. I love my man's writing and feel an almost sacred atmosphere around him when he's doing his magic. And from the look of respect in his eyes it seems to me he percieves my sewing the same way.

So it looks like we survived another of these days in a much better way than I expected. Still 2,5 hours to go though...

In that time I expect to have one more cigarette, finally eat the lunch Trentin brought home earlier, and watch some crazy Australian people throw things from a high tower. 

Lockdown in Czechia - Day Four - Thursday March 19th 2020

Report by Trentin Quarantino

I wake up to the sound of birds singing outside the window at 8.30am. Bastards clearly don't realise that there's a crisis going on. Or don't care. It should be illegal to be that chirpy at that time of the morning, even for birds.

I can already tell I'm going to be in one of THOSE moods today.

As Harley is only allowed outside between 10am and 1pm, and as she wants to go to the post office to post the shoes she made yesterday, we head to a local park for a morning walk. Post office, like all stores, is reserved for people over 65 until 12 noon, and by the time we get outside it's 10.30, but at least we get to be out of the flat for a while.

As it's now illegal to be outside without covering your mouth and nose Harley fashions a couple of facemasks out of headscarves so we can keep the masks she made a few days ago clean for the post office, and walking around we see that almost everyone is now abiding by the rule. Although it feels really surreal to see people walking around in facemasks, something that would have been unimaginable even a week ago, it's good to see that almost everyone is taking the situation seriously.

Of course there are some people that don't seem to comprehend how masks work - one guy has his mouth covered but not his nose, and a couple of old people have masks that only actually cover their chin. But as the old are the most vulnerable I guess they feel they can take the risk if they want to. Personally I'm waiting to see the first person who has cut a hole in their mask so they can smoke through it - I know it's only a matter of time.

I joke with Harley that maybe the virus was released by ISIS to force Sharia Law on us through the back door, and then realise that as soon as I post this statement there will be idiots on the internet who will actually believe that this is what happened. I guess I'm now the distrubutor of Fake News then...

After Harley does her thing at the post office we separate briefly so I can go to the store to see if they by any chance have a thing that I believe to be called a Snood, as I think these could be useful for going outside in the coming days or weeks. They don't have any, but then my mood officially tanks for the day when I get a message from one of my managers.

The message starts with "Hi. I'm guessing you still want to be off next week", and ends with "Options are take a 40% pay cut to stay home to look after Harley, or take annual leave and lose your holidays. The choice is yours".

I can feel the steam coming out of my ears as I read this, and the idiot that sent the message needs to count himself lucky the office is quarantined and I don't know where he lives, or I'd be going to see him and teach him a little bit about a Czech tradition called defenestration.

I'll list the problems with this message he sends here:

1 - I do not WANT to be off work next week. I am, in fact, more than happy to work next week. I just need somewhere to do it that isn't our home.

2 - The reason I cannot work from home is Harley - she is recovering from a mental breakdown caused by that job. Her chances of recovering from that breakdown whilst I am doing the job that broke her in our kitchen are about as high as the chances of Donald Trump being unmasked as the world's smartest man.

3 - Even if she hadn't had the breakdown, I work nights, on the telephone, in a small flat. So if I were to work from home I'd be keeping her awake all night. Which is something I'm not prepared to do - I have a fucked up body clock and am a night owl. I'm not going to force her to become one too.

4 - All of this was discussed in depth with my managers last week, before the building was quarantined because of an infected member of staff. Clearly they didn't listen to me, which shouldn't come as a surprise really considering their inability to use their ears directly contributed to Harley's breakdown.

5 - Their 'solutions' to the problem both involve me being punished - either 40% pay cut or lose my holiday entitlement. And what happens with the next quarantine period? Do I give up even more of my holidays, and then start cancelling all of the things I'm looking forwards to in order to benefit the company? 

Fuck that, and fuck them. Wankers.

I'm really pissed off when I get home, and quickly discover that Harley is equally angry as another colleague is messaging her about the fact she is becoming sick working from home without the adequate tools she needs to do the job. And another colleague who was sick before the building got shut down has been asked to kindly stop being sick and go back to work because the company needs all the people it can get working right now - this last one is downright illegal.

So Harley and I have another fight with our home-made clubs, and that helps to work off at least some of the frustrations, but by no means all of it. I at least manage to calm down enough to think more clearly than just listening to the red mist telling me to kill them all, and make a decision to contact an employment lawyer as soon as possible once this crisis ends.

It's time to find out what my actual rights are and then take things from there.

And then another manager starts messaging me on the Book of Face to see if we can find somewhere I can work from. It's instantly clear that he hasn't spoken to the first idiot - for a communication company the place I work is really shit at having people talk to one another. The conversation lasts for a few hours with no real progress being made, and while it's taking place I make dinner - who says men can't multi-task?

For the record, for anyone wondering why this conversation is only happening on Day Four of the national lockdown, I should point out that I have a silly work schedule that means I only actually work for 12 days a month, so I have a week off each month as standard. So I was happy to give them the first few days of the week to deal with the crisis of arranging for everyone to work from home. 

Everyone except me, that is. Because I'm special. Well, Harley is anyway, and I will always do what I can to protect her.

No matter what I do today though nothing is really taking a proper grip on my anger for any length of time. I try to keep it inside as much as possible, because the last thing Harley needs is an enraged neanderthal stomping around the house, but she's angry too so this day is guaranteed to be pretty much written off as one of the shit ones.

We spend a little time in the early evening trying to learn a song together called Misanthropic Drunken Loner - Harley already knows it pretty well, and quickly teaches herself to play it on guitar too. Our efforts aren't great - mainly because I can't sing, but it helps a little. I then quickly re-write another song I never heard before, but we don't get a chance to try that one as there's a comedy show being live streamed that we both want to watch.

Except, the comedy show is dreadful, truly dire. Improv comedy is of course a team sport by nature, and when the team are confined to their own homes and trying to work using technology that clearly isn't working properly and has an obvious lag happening, it's something that just doesn't work.

I applaud their efforts for trying, but we barely manage ten minutes before we give it up. And then Harley comes over all sick suddenly. 

Fuck.

She appears to have a mild fever, but feels absolutely dreadful. We're literally laughing and joking one minute and she crashes the next. I'm hoping it's simply because she didn't eat today - yes, I cooked dinner, but we didn't eat it yet - but there is no way to really tell for sure. 

She wants to be alone for a while so I go panic in the kitchen for an hour or so, hoping she's at least able to sleep. After a while she joins me and is clearly upset that I'm upset. I need to find a way to persuade her that she isn't to blame for everything that ever happens to anyone she is ever associated with.

I manage to eat while we talk, but she isn't able to eat anything - which unfortunately means nothing much - her not eating is far too common for my liking, no matter how much I try to limit what I cook to things I know she likes to eat. So lack of appetite isn't a sign she has the virus. Or can't be taken as one anyway.

This is fucked.

The rest of the night basically consists of talking and crying before we go to bed. I really hope she feels better when she wakes up in the morning.

Additional reporting by Harley Quarantinova

Woke up determined to make the most out of the fact that Spring is invading every corner of Prague now, improvised some face covers out of headscarves for Trentin and myself as we will need the actual masks to still be dry and as clean as possible when we go to the post office later.

Noticed that about 98% of the people outside are approaching the situation very responsibly and not half-assing it as I would have expected. It is still silly to look at the dog owners in parks. Now they are the ones who need to wear muzzles! And not only on public transport, everywhere! I wonder what dogs think about that.

On our way from the park to the post office I saw two things that stood out. The first was a group of three policemen trying to persuade a drunken person to leave the bus stop bench. There was something unspeakably polite and at the same time creepy about the situation - even the dirty drunk had his face properly covered...

We also walked past two uncovered people who seemed absolutely unaware of all the silent well-managed madness around them - a woman sitting on her heels in the middle of a path showing her approximately 4 years old son how to set fire to dead leaves. The child wanted to show initiative and tried to contribute with an old pinecone, but the mom obviously didn't think it was the right time for it just yet.

We arrived at the post office a few minutes after 12, till then it's reserved for people aged 65+ which makes perfect sense to me. There were workers going around disinfecting tables, that impressed me. Less impressive was the woman selling me special envelopes I needed in order to send my valuable packages. She improvised covering her face with a headband that wasn't wide enough. She looked silly with the red strap over her nose. It's reassuring to see that even the international health panic isn't able to change anything about Czech postworkers' laid-back attitude.

Trentin went hunting for food without me. He came home angry because of some work stuff. I cannot go into details about work, not only because I signed a paper saying I wouldn't, but also because it still turns my stomach. Nevertheless more work stuff filtered through thanks to a desperate colleague so me and Trentin went for another huge ding-dong slapping match to cool down a bit.

I can never apologise to him enough for how all the frustration and anger ended up being transformed into very loud, forcefull, and most probably really painful hits. I tried to avoid his head this time though, because no matter what he says I'm afraid today I could manage to accidentally turn a humorously shaped pillow into a murder weapon.

We're both still enraged but less frustrated now. He's using his excessive energy on cutting carrots, I'll probably tear up some of his old shirts to create headscarves. They're easier to make than proper face masks, do probably as good a job as them as well, and once this hysteria is over I can use them for their main purpose.

Most of our afternoon got repeatedly hijacked by thoughts of work even though none of us is on active duty this week, but more frustration and hatred accumulated. This time we try turning it into yelling a punk song about what waste of breath humans are that Trentin is memorising the words of now.

Our attempt of making music sucked much less than the streamed comedy soiree we were looking forward to watching. We only survived for about 10 minutes before turning it off. Shortly after that I freaked us both out by almost passing out and asking for a thermometer as I suddenly started feeling dizzy, weak and shaky.

My temperature is pathetic 37°C which according to Trentin's internet search is normal. Well, I don't feel normal, asshole, so stick the whole Internet up your butt. Also, I'm 31, I took my body temperature before and know what is normal for me. I hate doctor Google. And I don't need this additional stress I'm putting on myself. Staying away from the pandemic and work news, that's what I need. Given my partner still has to be in occasional contact with the management even on his days off makes that a bit hard.

Everything is more than just a bit hard now. I'm internally suffocating in the shitty situation I put myself into. It's easiest to blame myself for everything because that way I can try to help myself get out of that shit. God knows the people who had the power to prevent the shit from happening to me don't give a single tiny fuck.

I'd like to give up fighting for anything now. Probably the best idea is to try going to sleep now, this day felt too weird and just wrong. And once again I didn't manage to eat anything substantial today.

Lockdown in Czechia - Day Five - Friday March 20th 2020

Report by Trentin Quarantino

I wake up at 8.30am, just as Harley gets a call from her friend Sue, the friend she made the shoes for a couple of days ago. My instincts, and experience, tell me this call could take a while, but in the brief moment I see Harley before she heads outside for coffee and a cigarette she looks a hell of a lot better than last night. So that's at least a positive start to the day.

At 9.40am they are still talking. I check with Harley to see if she wants to brave the great outdoors today, but she's engrossed in her phone call and so I spend a bit of time updating the blog with yesterdays news, and note that Harley somehow already managed to write her update - probably when I was banished to the kitchen last night hoping she was sleeping.

By 11am they are still talking, so I settle down to read for the duration. It could take a while...

At lunchtime I get another message on the Book of Face from the manager who actually seems to listen to me when I explain my issues, and it seems there may be a solution. There is a colleague who is out of town for the duration of the crisis, and one of my Night Demon colleagues is working from his flat. So as long as he's okay with sharing the space I have a place I can work next week, and so can save my vacation days for more important stuff - like shenanigans.

This improves my mood a little, but as working remotely is evidently a shitshow for everyone I'm really not looking forwards to joining the crew again next week.

The phone call is now at four hours and counting. Make that five. And now it's finally over!

After the epic conversation Harley seems enthused with the idea of setting up some sort of online craft store once the current crisis is over. This is something I will be happy to support in any way I can, as not only is she good at making all manner of things, she really enjoys it and it helps her keep calm.

So a win-win as far as I'm concerned - once the lockdown is over I'll go and stock up on whatever materials and other things she needs to get started - this has to be better than her being a wage slave for people who literally drive her to insanity.

The song I re-wrote yesterday turns out to be shit, so I spend most of the afternoon re-writing Eleanor Rigby by The Beatles and giving it a modern, current twist. This originally takes about twenty minutes, but then Harley gets all difficult and wants things to rhyme and shit so she makes me do it properly. Then makes it more difficult by playing the piano in the other room while I'm trying to be creative.

Eventually though I manage to get it done to a level that is suitable for a woman of her talents - and I say this with admiration for her many skills, not in any way to be flippant or dismissive for the record. After singing it through a couple of times it sounds decent too, so I feel happy with myself for creating something. I won't post the whole thing here, but for anyone interested the chorus goes;

All the stupid people

Where do they all come from?

All the selfish people

Where did we go wrong?

So as you can probably guess it's super light hearted and uplifting...

The rest of the afternoon is spent with us both sitting on the couch writing, her jotting down her memoirs of the day so far - at least that's what I guess she's doing - and me writing a pointless essay about being born in the wrong place and time that will probably find it's way to some dark corner of the internet to be ignored forever at some point later today.

I suppose one good thing coming out of this lockdown for me is that I'm actually writing stuff again - I've been unable to write anything for years now, yet with this blog, re-written songs, and the essay, I start to believe that maybe, just maybe, there's a chance I can complete the novels I started writing several years ago.

Most of the rest of the day is spent quietly reading, although we do go through yesterday's blog post and Harley is kind enough to point out that I appear to have forgotten how to use English grammar properly. Of course, it's possible I never really knew this as well as I thought I did, and all my years working as a proofreader were just a massive con job.

It was well paid though while it lasted, so I don't mind!

Late in the evening we learn a second colleague has the virus. It's someone I barely know, so I'm probably okay, and 12 days since Harley last saw them. so hopefully we're going to be okay and avoid infection. For now at least. We both feel that we're going to get it sooner or later no matter what precautions we take, but in the meantime we'll do our best to follow any rules that are put in place in order to protect others.

This is a really shit end to what was, for the most part, a reasonably nice day, and soon after hearing this news we're both in bed for the night.

Additional reporting by Harley Quarantinova

Another messed up dream to wake up from - I was given a task to check copies of some documents and make sure they matched each other. No matter how hard I tried to fix them they would never end up identical.

Spent a few hours on the phone with my creative friend and got to at least partially witness her joy when the package with shoes I made for her arrived. Since then the conversation revolved around us starting a business together. She thinks I could make a living from selling different things I can manufacture, and she would be very happy to contribute with her promoting skills, and eventually some products of her own. Neither of us has much choice in this in long run really - we keep burning out as employees for all the same reasons so we might as well give up and do what we do best.

The talk filled my head with optimistic fantasies and plans and helped me feel like I might have a chance to live my life in a meaningful way one day after all.

Physically I feel considerably better than yesterday but mentally I'm still very fragile. My heartbeat is unnecessarily fast as if I was faced with a life-threatening danger. I'm constantly ready to jump up and fight for survival.

I managed to make an appointment to see a psychiatrist next week.

Also managed to get frustrated with myself as I just cannot get the melody of the song Trentin re-wrote yesterday right. When I'm finally ready to give up trying he comes with a Beatles' song he re-wrote that doesn't have such tricky chords but I'm not clear enough on the melody either. I made him change some words so the lyrics fit the rhythm and rhyme where they need to. Now I cannot get it out of my head but anything is better than the shit nesting there usually.

I feel like I didn't accomplish much today. And days start to merge into one another, actually, I have difficulties remembering any that would stand out in a good way since... forever. This lockdown is not better or worse than any other shitty time of my life, it's just a new shade of personal hell, not as sharp as others but darker and thicker than most. My main goal is to survive this one without being admitted to psychiatric hospital. Holding the shit together without doing anything worrying and dangerous.

I'm doing my best to stay away from people who are not self-proclaimed lunatics now. I'm worried I might spread my mental state onto them, and also I know I'm no longer comprehensible for most people. The friends I used to share my everyday reality with before the meltdown now feel to me like they're living in another dimension and don't even speak the same language. I'm sorry, guys. I'll eventually bounce back to your world, I promise. Just don't forget me and please don't hate me for being a proper psycho.

Our pet hedgehog's breathing sounds a bit strange so I decided to check her and find out whether she looks healthy. I'm worried she might get infected so I wash my hands properly before touching her. But then she tries to climb up my arm and hide in my shirt so I get anxious as my clothes are definitely not sterile and I'm putting her at risk by even picking her up. The last thing I want is to kill our animal with my selfishness and stupidity.

I'll check on Google what the chances of the terrifying virus being passed from humans to domestic animals are later, but mainly have to concentrate on getting rid of all the fear, guilt and paranoia at this moment. I think a soothing bath is in order. I hope I can drown my demons in the nice smelling bubbles, and also that the last remaining bits of my sanity can swim.

Turns out they cannot. It would be inappropriate to be sane now anyway. Two evening calls from my friends make it clear to me that I'm not the only one struggling with staying grounded in this situation. One of the people I really admired for their responsible and sensible approach to this crisis was tested positive for the damn thing. This news doesn't change anything on how I feel about my chances of having it. We weren't in any close contact despite me hoping that one day we could find an opportunity to talk as I feel I can never have too many decent people around me.

My anxiety was replaced by the feeling of deep helplesness and loneliness despite the fact that Trentin is always around to hold me and be there for me. Quick internet search reveals that, logically, so far nobody investigated whether Covid kills pygmy hedgehogs, and I desperately need to hold my animal and let her show me there are worse things than my paranoia, for example her being picked up from her box by an annoying human and persuaded to accept cuddles. 

Her displeasement and sudden vitality had an usual effect on me - I fell asleep while she massaged my stomach with her little feet, woke up with poop on my shirt, let her go back to her house and climbed to my own bed for another fruitless effort of refreshing night's rest.

Lockdown in Czechia - Day Six - Saturday March 21st 2020

Report by Trentin Quarantino

We sleep until 10.30am, and it's quickly clear that neither of us is really in the mood to go outside today. Harley has another phone call with her friend - just a couple of hours today - while I post yesterdays update. If it seems that I'm bitching about how long Harley and her friend talk on the phone, I'm really not. Her friend is able to calm her down in ways that I cannot, and that's the most important thing right now.

We eat lunch in the early afternoon, and indications so far are that we're going to have a pretty lethargic day and not do much. I chat onlune to a friend in Pakistan for a while, and start to really hope that this crisis can blow over sooner rather than later as I really don't want to cancel my summer plans, especially my annual rafting trip.

This probably seems selfish, and I guess it is a little. But I think I'm entitled to hope the restrictions end - it's not like I'm one of the people organising grill parties in the park or anything still, although these are the people that are likely to cause worse restrictions in the short term by being so selfish and stupid.

At least I'm just selfish.

I spend a big part of the afternoon reading while Harley writes a song to her lost mind asking it to come home again. By the time her song - which I really like - is written it's almost 6pm, and we settle down to try to watch a music show being broadcast online by the same people that did the disastrous comedy show the other night.

We have a bit of difficulty getting the computer to wake up, then more difficulty finding an actual link to the show, but once we do we settle down to a couple of hours of semi-live music, and it is far, far superior to the comedy show - although is spoiled somewhat at one point by the person actually broadcasting the gig receiving a Facebook call and not having the first clue how to turn the ringing off.

The show is so good, in fact, that Harley starts dancing around the bedroom for a while. The joy I feel in my heart when I see her having fun is indescribable - I just wish there were a way to make her feel this way more often.

After the show I make a late dinner, while Harley talks to one of her sisters on the phone. I don't speak Czech, but even I can tell that Harley is getting frustrated with her sister about something, and once the conversation is over she rails against the stupidty of people for a while. Then orders me to re-write Imagine by John Lennon tomorrow.

After dinner Harley settles down to write her memoirs of the day, and I finish the book I'm reading and get started on another one. At around 11.30pm we're distracted by ominous blue lights outside, and a look out of the window confirms that there is an ambulance there, and that they are coming into our building for some reason. 

My guess is that it's something to do with the old guy that lives upstairs, but neither of us is curious or morbid enough to go and stand in the hallway to see what's going on. I hope that whoever they are here for is okay though.

This seems a pretty shit way to end the day, so we head to bed with the computer and watch idiots drop heavy things from a high tower to see what happens for a while - this is always guaranteed to lighten the mood, and we go to sleep feeling, if not happy, at least better than an hour ago.

Additional reporting by Harley Quarantinova

Sleep sucked. 

I talked to Sue briefly after I woke up (in this case "briefly" means 2,5 hours) and, as proper psychiatric patients, we pseudophilosophised about everything that's wrong with this country's education system and all the things we're going to do to fix that. I love my cuckoo brutally intelligent friends.

There was no point in trying to go outside today as the weather is cold and windy and generally unpleasant.

I had another call with a different friend who's getting understandably lonely and a bit claustrophobic in my opinion. This forced house confinement is not doing any good to people's mental health, and the fact that she won't be able to meet her family probably at least until mid-Summer is not helping either. And the way all conversations I have with people these days sooner or later touch the damn virus topic starts playing on my nerves.

Trentin tried to make it all better by googling up the worldwide statistics and calm me down by pointing out that none of the 950+ cases of covid infections in this country were lethal so far but to me all the numbers were just a bit too scary.

I went and turned one of the Days N' Daze songs into a blues about how much I miss my sanity. It helped a bit.

At 6pm we gave live-streamed culture another chance - two country musicians I met a couple of years ago when I was working for an NGO that was trying to save all the third-country immigrants of this city played a show that lifted my spirit to a point when I ended up dancing naked in the middle of our bedroom. Trentin enjoyed it and eventually joined me (in his underwear, coward). The black "clubs" were involved at one point as well, not at all in a violent manner this time.

I still felt musical after the streamed concert ended so played and sang for some time before one of my sisters called. She's the only one who still occasionally feels like talking to me.

After having a yelling contest with her and her partner about whether coronavirus (as well as SARS) was developed by American/Chinese armies to help the imperials conquer the rest of the world, and realising that it's probably best to leave them to their conspiracies, I learnt some details from the last months of their lives and ended up pissed off with human nature once again. 

The talk also reminded me of the existence of our father, which I'm sure is going to come back and bite me in the ass. Me and my sister had quite a different upbringing and don't have much in common, (except for some paternal DNA), but I speak to her from time to time because it's polite to stay in contact with my family, and it also gives me a wonderful perspective on the life I built for myself.

After a short talk about siblings with Trentin I gave up being angry, and we decided to spend the rest of the evening watching the most recent video of the silly Australians bouncing things off a giant trampoline from 45m height. This time it was couches and assorted big machines. I picked some more of their stuff to watch and we laughed at them trying to catch eggs and getting showered in jelly beans until we felt sleepy.

Sue messaged me, disappointed with herself as she realised we forgot to celebrate yesterday's equinox. Remembering our hours-long productive brainstorming and emerging plans I think we actually did quite a nice job paying the Spring a tribute without even noticing.

Lockdown in Czechia - Day Seven - Sunday March 22nd 2020

Report by Trentin Quarantino

I wake up at 9.30am and can see Harley is already up and about. I go join her in the kitchen and can see she's having a hard time and is feeling really low so do my best to comfort her. She tells me she's been up since around 8am - fortunately it was my snoring that woke her up, not crappy dreams, so at least it's a start I suppose.

Seeing her depressed really gets to me though - I guess it always will. I try my best to be strong for her, and it seems to help a little and bring her out of the pit of despair, or at least partway out. Which is better than being stuck at the bottom. After a while she decides to have a bath, and I head to the store to buy food for the next couple of days.

Walking around seems so strange still. Everyone is now wearing some sort of face covering, even the old people, and it's almost like some post apocalyptic world with the few survivors wandering around looking lost, just waiting for the final knife to drop on them. There is a look of fear in people's eyes, and just people passing on the street do their utmost to get as far away from one another as possible.

I realise that I probably have that same look, and it saddens me.

By the time I get home Harley seems to be feeling much better - I guess the bath worked. We update the blog with yesterday's non-news, and I have a shit moment when I see a news report that borders might remain closed for 6 months. Well that's my summer fucked, especially my annual rafting trip. 

This sucks - the whole thing could be over and done within a month if people just followed basic precautions, but as there are countries that are still allowing everyone to walk around freely and infect each other - I'm looking at you UK and USA, I do understand why the Czech government would want to contain it here and then stop other idiots coming from elsewhere and bringing a second wave of this shit.

We look out the window and see it's snowing. Only very lightly, but still, it's snow. For like the third time since winter started. And then a few minutes later the snow seems to be falling upwards instead of down, almost like it hit the ground and said "This planet sucks, I want to go home."

I understand the sentiment...

Harley and I then have a short singing session to try to lighten the mood a little more - my re-written versions of Eleanor Rigby and Imagine, and the song she wrote to her lost mind yesterday, followed by her introducing me to the phenomenon that is MASH - the old American TV show rather than the thing you do with potatoes, in case anyone is wondering.

We watch the first three episodes, and it's okay. The canned laughter pisses me off, but that's a thing I've always hated. And the obvious misogyny is a little off putting, but find a show from that time period where that isn't a thing. The thing that really gets to me though is them calling the sole black character Spearchucker - insensitive much?

After three helpings of MASH I go to cook dinner while Harley has a nap. And find that the earlier report of the Czechs keeping the borders closed for six months which annoyed me was incorrect. They are actually talking about keeping them closed for up to two years.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, cunt, shit, fuck, cunt!

I have an event that I'm organising next year that I've been working on since 2015 - 1000+ people coming from all over the world. This could really screw that up, and I am not fucking happy. Not happy at all. I'm going to try not to panic and assume the worst - after all, these are only potential restrictions at this point, and if other countries (UK and USA sort yourselves the fuck out) get a grip there won't be a need for such draconian measures.

But inside there is at least a part of me that is panicking and assuming the worst.

Harley gets a video call from her friend so I go in the other room to give them space to chat - it's not like I'll understand anything they say anyway, and I like her to have time to talk to other people as she needs more in her life than just me.

So I sit and read, and am perfectly happy and comfortable with this arrangement. Until I'm not. Out of nowhere I have a surge of anger that is so powerful I just want to destroy everything I can see. It would be a lot easier to get this under control if I knew the reason for it, but I really have no clue.

Harley comes into the room to include me in the video chat, but I go back to the other room as I am feeling so damned anti-social right now. Harley is concerned and thinks I'm mad at her for spending so much time talking to friends, but the one thing I am 100% sure of is that this is not the reason I am feeling so pissed off all of a sudden.

After a while she ends the call and we lie in bed. I try to explain this urge to destroy things to her, and convince her that it's nothing to do with the time she's spending talking to friends. I don't feel ignored by her - we've been in the flat almost non-stop for nine days now, so we've had lots of time together, and it's good that she has another outlet and people she can bitch about me to. 

After a while I decide to take a shower and finally eat dinner to see if this can help calm me down a little. It doesn't work.

As I write this it's 2.30am, Harley is sleeping, and I really want to go to the local gas station and get a bottle of vodka. But I won't. The anger is finally slipping away, so that's good, but it's being replaced by a really deep sadness, which is less good, and I think I'm finally working out the issue.

To be clear, I do not, in any way, resent the fact that Harley has friends she can talk to during this crisis. They are helping to keep her somewhere close to sane, and this is something I am really, really happy about.

I just wish that I had friends too. I wish I had one person in my life, other than her, that I could talk to about the things that get me down. But I don't, and never really have had. To be fair, I'm from the north of England, so probably wouldn't talk to someone if I had the opportunity - that would involve accepting that I have feelings, and letting someone else know what they are.

We really don't do that where I come from. It would be nice to have the option though.

At 3am I semi-give in to my urges and go to the gas station. But I only buy beer, not vodka, so I'm winning that battle. And the beer helps a little, and I make it to bed at a little after 4am, hoping tomorrow will be better, knowing it probably won't.

Additional reporting by Harley Quarantinova 

Woke up after 8am to find the world cold, empty and biting. At least inside my head. Thoughts about my employment prospects in the months to come are very depressing and make it hard for me to breathe and keep fighting for my brighter future.

The only social medium I ever managed to be part of is showing me unexpectedly uplifting content today, I read about all the solidarity and volunteering in my country, and about students of medicine helping out hospital staff to the best of their abilities. 

My birthtown has developed a material for facemasks that is capable of fully blocking transmission of the virus, and already sent 3000 pieces of the final product to healthcare and social workers around the country. The place was a real anti-utopic robot town, very inhospitable environment to grow up in, but people there work smart, fast and efficient to get shit done. So a very bittersweet thank you to its founder Tomáš Baťa is in order I guess.

I'm once again determined to fight the violent thoughts yelling at me how useless, naive, small, pathetic and broken I am. Thank you, dad. I inherited your hatred and aggression and managed to aptly turn it inwards. Joy. 

Things have to happen today. Things need to be designed and created today. Hands and soul demand their stimuli. But first, coffee and bath. And trying to focus on what's important with some Native American wisdom stolen from a book I bought last year.

After warming up to a suitable temperature in the bathtub I play my drum for a bit and decide to make a leather hair clip I wanted to have for years. It doesn't take long and I'm quite happy with the result.

Then I take my guitar and try to get Trentin's remake of Eleanor Rigby right for once. Takes me few attempts. I'm doing much better job with the new addition to our repertoire in which we suggest people imagine everybody using their damn brains. I have a good feeling about that song.

Weather is being cheeky again. Snow is falling down. And the next minute it appears it's flying up. Obviously didn't like it much down here. Luckily, my caring attentive male got hands on bird seeds today so I can feed the army of hungry freezing tits and doves in the backyard a quite sufficient variety of foods again. We're going to have some nicely round tits in the area soon. So far I'm failing making the pair I bear on my own chest bigger so this gives me a quiet satisfaction.

The hero of the day is warming up pelmeni for dinner while I make the computer ready. Today I'm going to introduce my Brit to my favourite American show. He came across it before but clearly did not get into it deeply enough. 

The only thing Trentin comments on out loud about it is the canned laughter which I hate as well. But it's somehow fitting to watch a show full of people in surgical masks in these interesting times...

After a short nap I wake up to a party invitation. Sue and her loved one are asking me to join them for some fun so we try the newly discovered video call function, they play few songs on their ukuleles together, I share with them one of those that Trentin re-wrote, and we are enjoying ourselves till after midnight when they seem a bit too drunk to me, and also my left out non-Czech speaking man comes to the kitchen with a very worrying look on his face. 

I feel that I should give him more attention so we lie in bed silently holding each other until I start falling asleep. It makes me a bit angry that I cannot force myself to stay awake as I clearly see his night is going to be a sleepless and lonesome one. I'll try to find ways to make it up to him soon.

Lockdown in Czechia - Day Eight - Monday March 23rd 2020

Report by Trentin Quarantino

I wake up at 12.30pm feeling pretty shitty and depressed. I guess realising that I have nobody other than Harley who really cares about me and the fact I have feelings is still pissing with my mind. As mentioned yesterday, I know there are plenty of people out there who do care about me. But the five hour conversations about my mental health are something none of those people are really able to offer.

I hold myself somewhat responsible for this - after all, I'm the big, strong, drunken joker. Why would I need people to show they care? But the truth is I do, and people that I would have thought might reach out just don't. If asked a couple of years ago I'd have given the names of at least twenty people I considered close friends, but pretty much every single one of those people no longer even talks to me these days.

And it fucking sucks.

Harley and I have a long chat about this - apparently today it's her turn to be the strong one in the relationship. It doesn't help a great deal, but it helps a little at least. It's good to know that at least there's one person who cares about me - obviously more would be better, but I think I need to concentrate on quality over quantity for the time being.

And then my therapist cancels this week's appointment. I know it's due to quarantine and social distancing and blah, blah, blah, but the timing sucks. Just at the moment I'm going through shit my therapist walks away for the duration. When a person whose job it is to listen to your problems suddenly isn't available to do so, I have to say it does wonders for a person's self esteem!

To try and make me feel better, and at least in part because I'm starting to look more like a gorilla than a human, Harley orders me into the bathroom and proceeds to shave my beard off. Now, I have to be honest - this is something I can do much faster myself than when she does it, but I don't care about that right now. What matters is that she sees I need some TLC and offers it, and by fuck it feels good to be pampered a little.

And the thing about me not having a beard is that it makes me look much, much younger - almost as young as Harley probably. Which automatically makes me feel a little better about things. Then I have a bite to eat, and then it's time to go to work. Which makes me feel like shit again, but at least it's a company sponsored shitty feeling rather than one made up by my brain.

It takes me about 40 minutes to get to work - 40 minutes on practically empty public transport during rush hour, which is so fucking bizarre - as I have to go to a colleague's place to work from there rather than our quarantined office. When I get there my colleague puts me in one room, he goes in the other - must practice social distancing at all times, and I settle down to start work.

Except it takes an hour to login to everything, which is what happens when you work for a last-rate IT company. Fortunately it's a pretty quiet night so I don't have to deal with much, apart from when Harley sends me a song she recorded for me earlier tonight - this almost makes me cry, but then I remember I'm British and we don't do that.

The rest of the night passes peacefully enough, and I'm glad to be finally heading home at 6.30am, with the plan when I get home being to eat, and then to sleep. I have Tuesday off work - my shift pattern is really odd - so look forwards to a nice evening at home with Harley. Once I've slept...

Additional reporting by Harley Quarantinova

I started the new week by calling my very grounded mom and learning that even the eastern part of the country is still disinterested in panicking and is overall acting responsible. Although, supposedly, people are taking the facemasks off when working in gardens and believe the usual ten metre social distancing between them is enough to keep their chances of staying healthy sufficiently high.

Trentin is going out tonight for his first somebody-else's-home office so I feel the need to contribute at least by adjusting his mask in a way that will make his ears hurt a bit less when wearing it, and helping him shave the shrubbery off his face. He looks 20 years younger once again, I swear that man is full of surprises.

He still looks very depressed, and even before he walks out of the door I know what my main quest for today is going to be. I need to make a recording of a song that's playing inside my head every time I look at him since yesterday's night.

Before I manage to learn to play it, Sue and her currently self-homeschooling sister invite me over for a videocoffee. It's nice to have visits at other people's houses without having to lift my own butt!

By the time we're done talking it's getting dark, and if I don't want to annoy my neighbours after the quiet night hours start I'd better get on with practising the song!

It's bloody hard to remember all the repeating parts and their order, my breathing technique isn't the best either (my smoking habit definitely doesn't help that) but after some dozen or so attempts I manage to finish one recording I'm content with. If I try hard enough I can suppress the picture of a suffocating swan in my head when listening to my own recorded voice so I eventually send it to my beloved partner (as well as few friends I trust would be honest with me if I sucked), and get a very happy reaction from him.

After hanging the washing and moving a few things around the apartment to make it look a bit more tidy I decide to just chill out.

Then I get another videocall. My lovely friend is worried. Spent most of the afternoon reading the Book of Revelation for the very first time, washed it down with assorted prophecies found online, and is now scared all Prague's citizens are going to die a very slow and painful death this year. We talk about it for a while and I realise that even if that was true I just don't have enough fucks to give. Not sure whether it doesn't make me the crazier one between the two of us.

It's quite hard to assess your own sanity these days. I saw one Czech meme recently in which psychiatrists assure people that talking to animals, plants and furniture is not a reason to seek their help, and advise to give them a call only if said entities start talking back. I don't know. I haven't said anything to the freezer today and it keeps making a nervous chicken sounds. I'm not telling this my new psychiatrist on Thursday though!

The rest of my evening involves very nice and not at all triggering online chatting which makes me stay up a bit longer than I expected. I guess dinner and few hours of uninterrupted sleep are in order.

Lockdown in Czechia - Day Nine - Tuesday March 24th 2020

Report by Trentin Quarantino

I get home from work at around 7.30am to find a note on the fridge that wasn't there when I left titled "Projects and Ideas". There is only one idea there so far - re-write Yellow Submarine, but that can wait until later. For the time being I just finish off yesterday's dinner and head to bed.

I wake up at 1pm, happy that I don't have to work tonight, less happy that I will have to work the other three nights this week. But my twelve shift a month work schedule is a minor irritation compared to all the other issues going on in the world right now.

As I get up Harley is just getting started on a video call with a friend, so I settle down to read for a while, only to be called upon seconds later to help Harley who has for some reason decided the couch probably really wants to drink her coffee, and then thought better of it a few seconds later. So I help her with the couch cleaning, and then we both go back to our original plans of reading/video call.

After a while I decide to follow the instructions of the fridge and re-write Yellow Submarine. I suspect I might be going a little stir crazy with the lockdown as the new version is titled "Fucking Quarantine".

Harley is still on her call so I go back to reading for the rest of the afternoon. At some point I check on the lockdown, which is due to end tomorrow, and find it is extended to April 1st. I really, really hope that they can end it then, as my birthday is on the 3rd and it will suck to celebrate my birthday in complete isolation.

I also check on the status of a parcel I'm waiting for, and find it's still in Jamaica, where it's been since March 12th. Well at least something of mine is having a fantastic holiday this year - it doesn't look like my summer is going to be all that great.

Harley finishes her video call at around 6pm and we sit and talk for a while. She misses being close to her friends, and so is taking advantage of this lockdown to catch up with people she hasn't spoken to for a long time, and I'm fully supportive of this. 

I then start to cook dinner, and Harley decides to record the new version of Yellow Submarine and send it to a friend. We have a brief experiment with me accompanying her on a drum, but it quickly becomes clear that I have no musical talent whatsoever, so I leave her to do what she's good at while I get back to finishing the dinner.

It's amost 11pm by the time we've eaten, and the food coma kicks in pretty fast after that. I head to bed to try and read for a little while as Harley goes for one last cigarette, and then we lie in bed and talk some more before sleep. I guess the one good thing to come out of this is that the two of us are closer than ever before, and we're working out that as long as we have each other nothing else really matters.

Harley finally asks me if I'll take her as my wife, which is a huge deal as far as I'm concerned as she was married before and has been scared to re-commit so far, but she tells me she's finally ready to get married again. 

I don't understand at first because she asks in Czech, but once she translates it I of course say yes - I'm not a complete fucking idiot - and we both go to sleep happy. This was the perfect end to the day.

Additional reporting by Harley Quarantinova

These four-hour nights suck. I feel I should sleep more but my brain doesn't want me to. There are things to figure out, moves to make, ideas to grasp, and I won't find peace until I can pinpoint and name them. My subconscious mind is desperately knocking on the door begging to be let in the light and be heard. 

The only dream I remember from last night involved me and Trentin having unprotected sex and me allowing the risk of conceiving a human being, which in waking life is a huge NO for me, and so I probably scare him a bit when the first words he hears from me are: "No. No, no, no, not under any circumstances am I having a kid!" 

I leave my man lying in the bed coping with the sudden morning confusion and go for a short phone call with my friend before her shift starts. I feel a strange determination growing inside me. Don't know what will come out of it but I'm too experienced with my brain to worry about that much, everything will be revealed and start making sense soon enough.

And then my day just gets incredibly special. For the first time ever I get to have a video call with the first big love of my life. And I start it with spilling my coffee all over the couch! I never used to be this clumsy! Me taking care of the mess I just made gives her time to change her younger offspring's nappy and then we can finally talk about all the things we haven't had time for in the last 9 or so years in which we went seperate ways, and for reasons that are hard to explain weren't in touch at all.

We just cannot get enough of talking to each other now. There aren't topics we would hesitate to touch in the conversation, this woman was never scared of how ugly and undignified life can get, and for the first time ever I feel completely safe to talk about how I ended up where I am now. She's a skinny delicate looking person but I know damn well she's anything but fragile. These country witches are made of stone and steel, and she's the mightiest of them all.

We met when we were just kids and watched each other go through the confusing hell of adolescence, we called each other on our bullshit many times and survived many periods of not talking to each other because we are both bloody stubborn bitches. But we still kept a special place in our hearts for each other that nobody could ever fill. God knows we both tried to fill the holes that we left in each other after our last big break up, and never really succeeded. 

In the four hours that we spend talking to each other the world gets colourful and comforting once again, with her kids occasionally appearing in front of the camera trying to re-gain mom's attention, her husband and mom coming to say hi to me or bring her coffee and food. They need to take good care of my friend now, she's sick and her family desperately needs her to get well soon as no one else can cope with the youngsters the way she can. 

The warmth I feel after the call is over is overwhelming and I cry for some time, as I feel is in order. Unspeakable things are happening inside me and I don't need or expect anybody in the whole world to understand. Memories of the wildest, most freeing and fulfilling love I got to experience before I learnt to fear and avoid heartbreak carress my soul and some parts of me are finding their peace. 

And a shift in my perspective that was announcing itself by sending me internal encrypted messages for some time is no longer willing to stay hidden. It's time to find my way out of this painful insanity. And I'm taking my man with me.

I don't care he doesn't understand the question I give him because I already know the answer. I say it in Czech because it's the only way it makes sense to me. "Vezmeš si mě za ženu?" is followed by the English translation, but the next Czech sentence "Miluju tě, lásko moje" is left for him to eventually figure out. He needs to start learning the language from somewhere and I think this could be a great motivation. 

For the first time in my life I am left to lead the way. And I'm taking us to wonderful places, that I can safely promise.